


Mugworts Island

by stabcloud



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Albus Dumbledore Bashing, Bring Back Black | Sirius Black Returns From Beyond the Veil, Crack, F/F, F/M, Hogwarts Eighth Year, M/M, Multi, Not Canon Compliant, Severus Snape Lives
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:01:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24254800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stabcloud/pseuds/stabcloud
Summary: Eighth year Harry doesn't have much to do at school, so continues being a twat and recreates love island for the term after the NEWT's. He's employed the help of all his friends, Snape, Lucius & Draco Malfoy and the Weasley Twins to create what Dumbledore thinks is promoting house unity and the power of love.Welcome to Love Island at Hogwarts.
Kudos: 7





	1. The Rough Draft

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys, please don't hurt me.  
> It's really boring during the quarantine and heck this is my cursed account. Any plot suggestions, I'm free to hear because I'm lousy and don't plan into the future by much. I can promise updates but not regular or to a schedule.  
> After this chapter, I'm planning to have encounters with Lucius, Albus and the Weasley Twins to help get the whole project done.

“Snape, Snape, Snape” Harry said bursting into Snape’s quarters at an unholy hour. 

“Harry, Harry, Harry. How are you even here my room has extensive security and warding system.” He casts tempus and it’s only five in the morning.

“Sorry I would’ve been here at 3AM but it took two hours and Hermione’s help to break them down, kind of got side-tracked by a midnight not midnight snack”

“What do you want?” He grumbled “Why can’t I just sleep in for once in my life, it is after the war and honestly, I should have more time on my hands”

“I’ve had this break-through idea, stupid it may be, and it even fits in with dumbledores ideals.”

“Give me ten fucking minutes to myself, go sit in the living room and I’ll be through. Touch anything and it won’t be a living room anymore” he sternly told harry as he walked towards his en suite bathroom.

* * *

“Right, tell me right now if you want to keep your balls” Snape said giving the Scarhead a very pointed look.

“Hey, then you won’t have grandkids, I could buy you a goat then”

“ANYWAY the main idea and theme is LOVE”

Snape’s face scrunched up at the word because he heard dumbledore go on and on about it his whole fucking life.

“Eighth year is a basically a toss year because we do NEWTS before the December holidays and get to toss around for the rest of the year pretending to do work for appearances”

“Fuckin get to the point, you little brat.

“Basically, I’m going to make a wizarding love island and old fumbles won’t exactly know what it is until it’s too late. I’ll play the house unity card as well. Don’t worry about getting a sponsor because Draco’s father is absolutely going to hear about this. The twins are going to pitch in as well, they’re going to design the island and everything.”

Snape thought about this for about a millisecond and then sprayed his coffee out of his mouth and nose, across his living room and Harry. “I’m sorry what did you just say.”

“Snape darling, I never knew you watched Love Island"

“I was interested the first time it aired on TV and you and Draco wouldn’t shut up about it for days."

“For some reason, it was the only thing you two collectively thought was bad, disgusting and just not going to work, and it’s one of the only things you two were wrong about bar the time you thought. Well, I think the old coot will fall for it and how, may I ask, that the show will be allowed to go on?"

“Do you take me for a fool Sev, it’s going to feature one of my favourite things from fourth year. Brace yourself. A MAGICALLY BINDING CONTRACT.”

Snape was utterly confused and just told Harry “as long as you have a plan in place and a backup, it is none of my business”.

Harry was happy enough with this answer and started to walk out of the room.

“Harry” The said boy cocked his head to look at the professor. “Call me darling again and this will feel like a love bite”. Sending a modified stinging charm at Harry’s bottom.

The boy hastily retreated, and you could hear him mutter “No promises”.


	2. A Small Request

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Draco asks his father for help to raise the capital needed for Love Island to be run on the school grounds.

“Father. Father. You have got to hear what Potter is doing” the young Malfoy said as he walked into his father’s office.

Lucius Malfoy just looked like he had lost the will to live, then bodily threw himself onto his office floor and started crying.

“Dobiculous, Tell Narcissa I’m in pain and at risk of dying”

“Yes, master” the house-elf looked very concerned and confused but popped away.

“Father what on earth did you name the new house elf”

Lucius continued doing whatever he was doing on the floor.

“Father you are being too overdramatic.

I just need to ask you of a small loan of one million galleons to help create a muggle inspired series of events at the end of the school year, filmed on a man-made island on the great lake, that would be televised to the wizarding public.”

Before this Lucius had been quietly crying, now he was sobbing uncontrollably.

Narcissa entered the already too familiar scene and calmly stated

”Darling is this really as bad as the time Draco got absolutely squiffy after the war on firewhisky and declared his undying love and betrayal at the loss of the friendship of the Potter scion, I mean it did lead to them getting on much better.”

“Much worse, he’s scheming with the cursed boy himself”

“Oh dear” was all she said and with this, she pulled out the Ogden’s strongest fire whisky hidden in a secret compartment in her husband’s desk. She quickly poured them two glasses and handed the rest the of the bottle to him.

The Malfoy lord took a very long swig from the bottle and came to sit against his desk with his knees tucked in. With a long pause, he started his slightly slurred passionate speech.

“Draconis, My heir, My scion, My son, My blonde believer, My pureblood pansy”

“Uhm father are you ok?”

“Draco, its best to let your father continue whilst he’s like this, you might want to take a seat as well” Narcissa murmured into her son's ear.

Draco carefully considered his mother’s warning and sat crisscrossed apple sauce on the ancient wooden desk, because his father wouldn’t notice anyway, and he never had the chance to. Whilst his father continued his drunken rambling, he deftly traced the wooden grooves and carvings in the desk. He zoned out and thought about the success of making the show with Harry, towards the end of his thought tangent. He perked up when his father said.

“Draco, as long as you promise you will be happy with this small loan. I will allow it as long as you do not mention the ‘Scarhead’ and his actions in my presence for the next two months at least and let me help organise the event”

“Of course father. I promise I won’t until the New Year at least and don’t worry we were planning on making you a host along with Severus” At this, he skipped out the room and shouted behind him “Don’t worry about robes for the events, I’ll have everything arranged”


	3. All the Right Moves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry goes to ask the headmaster for permission to set up a crack worthy event.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone's doing ok. I'll be ready with the start of the event by chapter 5.

“Lemon drops, Red vines, Sugared peaches, skittles, chocolate frogs, Bertie Botts beans” Harry chanted as many sweet names as he could, stood outside the hideous gargoyle guarding Dumbledore’s office.

“Oh screw this. It must be American sweets again.”

“Sour patch kids”

“Moams”

“Hershey’s kisses”

“Skittles”

“Reese’s peanut butter cups”

“Fucking Wanker”

At this, the garish statue moved aside allowing him to walk up the stairs.

“Young Harry, a pleasure to see you. Come in for a cup of tea. Care for a lemon drop.” Offering one of the yellow hard candies to the mentioned boy as he graciously sat down on the large armchair Dumbledore had opposite his comfy chair at his desk. At the moment, you could barely see the top of it as it held so much clutter, with piles of clean parchment and envelopes, letters, a variety of pens and an assortment of confectionary fit for the queen.

“Thank you, I’ve come with a request for the summer after the eighth year has completed their NEWT’s” Harry stated as he popped a lemon drop into his mouth and made a constipated face as he forgot about the sour outer layer.

“Of course, my boy. Tell me more about your plan and I’ll see what I can arrange with the ministry”

“With some financial backing from a few carefully selected backers. I will aim to help spread the power of love and increase inter-house unity. It’s a competition based on a muggle show called ‘Love Island’, but they don’t actually have an island and we certainly will, and with the potential it has it will be aired on the newly designed wizarding network TB with authorisation from the ministry” calmly stated Harry as if he was asking to play quidditch

“Harry, this sounds very ambitious. Are you sure about this? What about parental consent and contracts?”

“Do not fret headmaster dearest. I have everything arranged and only eighth years allowed to compete as we are sitting exams early but must stay in school. Therefore everyone will be of consenting age and will not need parental permissions. I’m pretty sure if everyone were occupied it would definitely prevent chaos rampaging and disturbing the other years at still learning”

“If you insist, I will agree on the terms as long as changes made are reversible and no one comes to harm”

“Sir, in all honesty, myself and Draco would end up causing more damage in two days unoccupied than the whole show can cause”

” I wholeheartedly agree then, as long as you be inclusive of all the four houses”

“Of course how could I forget the precious Gryffinpuffs, the brave Slytherclaws, courageous Ravendors and sneaky Hufflins. All the colours we plan on using are neutral and I won’t spark some demonic house loyalty or anything.”

Dumbledore’s eyes twinkled in the special way they did as Harry said this, not even noticing he had butchered the house names beyond belief. And that Phineas Nigellus Black was laughing and abruptly stopped once he started choking, whilst another chuckling headteacher had to walk into his frame and thump him on the back.

He continued to arrange the negotiations and arrangements to be made.

* * *

Walking towards the exit of the office turned around and asked

“Sir, if you don’t mind me asking. Why is your office password ‘fucking wanker’?”

“Harry, it’s the holidays, all the children aren’t present and it’s amusing to get the teacher with the most decorum to swear.”

Harry chuckled at this and as he walked out of the office he said under his breath “Oh that’s what you are sir. A fucking wanker.”


	4. Black is Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's Back. AND very Serious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you read this I don't understand why.

Sirius Black was back. The veil taking its literal time-released him in China out of all places.  
Sirius Black did not have a clue of where he was or what he was doing. It felt like a never-ending silver slide that expanded around him and kept going on and on. But then suddenly it lurched, and Sirius ended up in a marble room expanded so large and opposite to the one the veil was in before.  
He tried to leave the room and a tall angry woman marched in armed with a katana.  
“Where did you come from”  
“Honestly I have no clue what happened, but I am absolutely parched so please just tell me if you are a wizard or not”  
“I am indeed a witch, could you please tell me where you are from and how you left the [veil but not that word], no one has seemed to come through in over 200 years and his name was Flamel”  
“Holy shit that’s where old Nick went, dumbledore must’ve been lying about knowing where he was then, the stone was left in his safe hands my arse. I’ve come from British ministry, one second a trigger-happy cousin was firing a spell on a fine summers day at me the next I was floating for what seemed to be forever.”  
“Oh my, you are now in Beijing, near the Chinese ministry and it’s the November the first tomorrow”  
“Oh bludgering frick, I’m going to miss my own birthday, OH SHIT HARRY! Oh my god I think I left Kreacher alone with the gas stove on”  
“You are quite stupid for a person exploring the veil and plundering through space, you could apply for an international portkey. It doesn’t matter about your criminal status because in China because it’s a communist state, therefore it would be ‘our war crimes’ instead of a ‘your war crimes’. You can get a portkey back to one of the Black properties and stay safe there.”  
“Wait how did you know that” Sirius blundered  
“Magic”  
Sirius tried to give her a dirty look, but it just doesn’t work when you’re the remains of an escaped starved prisoner who hasn’t recovered.  
“I wouldn’t trust dumbledore and get in touch with your godson. Come on stop floundering like a fish, to the portkey office and to buy some disguises. Hey, Sirius what bra size do you want to be?”  
He had no choice but to follow in a state of confusion.  
They were in a boutique and heck yeah e-girl clothes because my mate Susan said.  
“The things I do for my brother” she muttered under her breath. {well shit chirren its Sirius clack and the blacks are both back}


End file.
